Not the conflict itself, but the way it is settled determines how damaged a relationship gets. Disagreements are inevitable; yet, they become destructive when they turn poisonous and enter an endless cycle of defensiveness, guilt, and silence. A marriage and family therapist can help couples and families resolve conflict in a way that deepens their relationship instead of severing it. Read more!
Have you ever casually struck up a discussion with someone and then had it turn into a furious argument about something quite different? It isn’t unusual. Long-buried frustrations resurfaced when emotions take over, and all of a sudden a dispute about the dishes turns into a discussion on who cares more about the circumstances. A therapist can be quite helpful by slowing down things and keeping talks from veering off course.
People approach confrontation in different ways; some withdraw while others push harder. One partner might require some time to process the circumstances while the other would want to address it right away. Both of these responses are accurate; but, any argument can seem to be a disagreement if one does not understand these basic differences. The psychotherapy approach guarantees that neither side feels forgotten or overwhelmed, therefore helping to close this distance.
The challenge then comes in really paying attention to what is being stated. Hearing someone else speaks is not the same as understanding what they are saying. Words are jumbled, intentions are misinterpreted, and assumptions are let run wild in moments of strong feeling. A therapist strives to make sure everyone feels heard and valued by means of the process of revealing the actual problem hiding under the dispute.
Ineffective conflict resolution is the real enemy; conflict itself is not such. Under the direction of a marriage and family therapist, couples and families can learn how to settle disputes in a way that fosters understanding and connection with one another. Ultimately, it is more about forging stronger and healthier relationships than it is about necessarily winning arguments.